When I signed on to do this blog as the only Indians fan among a bunch of Astros and Cardinals fans, I thought it was going to be awesome.  “Self,” I said to myself, “you are going to get to gloat all summer about how your team is awesome and their teams suck more ass than an Amazonian butt leach. (Author’s note: I have no idea if such a creature exists, but, if it does, it is almost certainly Amazonian in nature.)

Fast forward to April 18, 2008.  Though the Tribe throttled the Tigers last night, 11-1, and moved out of last place in the division, Cleveland still finds itself with a less-than-stellar 6-10 record, matching the Astros start (despite being roughly 188361282456 times better than Houston).  Even worse, C.C. Sabathia’s ERA is climbing faster than his cholesterol and Joe Borowski’s inflamed vagina has already caused him to blow three saves.

Rather than dwell on the bad stuff, however, I am going to force myself to come up with ten positive things about this team.  Not sure if it can be done, but here we go.

1. Detroit is even worse right now, meaning that we are ahead of the one team in the Central that people thought might beat us.
2. My prediction that Cliff Lee would return to form is looking brilliant, as he is 2-0 with an ERA smaller than Miggy Tejada’s steroid-laced nuts.
3. Francisco Liriano is, apparently, not the second-coming of Johan Santana.
4. Ryan Garko is hitting the ball hard, hitting for average, AND not striking out much.  These things all make baby jesus smile.
5. While C.C. might suck suck, Carmona is still The Truth.
6. JoBo is on the DL, meaning I can rest easier at night.  I’d rather swim through a vat of used hypodermic needles than have to rely on that turd to get three outs.
7. The next six games are against Minnesota and KC, meaning we can make up ground quickly if we put together a little run.  I am already calling tonight’s contest (Lee v. Liriano) a win.
8. I did mention that Borowski would not be pitching any time soon, didn’t I?  Oh well, it warrants repeating.  He makes Jose Valverde look like the GOOD Brad Lidge.
9. Travis Hafner seems to have re-found the power that left him last season.  By which I mean steroids, of course.
10. Given the talent on this team, we can still honestly believe that we will win the division and make the postseason.  That’s a nice feeling to have.

Wow.  I actually did it.  Things must not be quite as bad as I was thinking.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am off to find some ebola to help CC drop weight.