I had grandiose plans of getting some content up today. However, I’m nursing an absolutely epic hang over right now - so I’m going for a bit of a cop out and just dumping some interesting baseball links here. Forgive me!

• Jose de Jesus Ortiz (who is one of two writers I will actually read at the Chron) seems to think the Astros should sign recently released Sidney Ponson. I am 100% behind this idea because it would make the ‘Stros the fattest baseball team ever. Also, every team should have an Aruban Knight.
• Jack Wilkinson has a good piece on Griffey’s 600th homer over at SI.com. I get kind of depressed anytime I read/see/think about Griffey - mostly because of the “what if.” What if this guy had stayed healthy? Bonds-Griffey would have been the ultimate good versus evil - and could have been the greatest storyline/spectacle in sports. Alas…
• Lesbians and baseball. (I know this story has already gotten a lot of traction, but I reiterate my initial point - lesbians and baseball.)
• Pujols strained his calf yesterday, probably while standing at home plate admiring his own homer - likehedoeseverysingletime. Wait what? Oh - Joe Strauss at the Post-Dispatch tells me it was while digging out a grounder. He also says a DL trip is imminent and the Flying Red Rats have already called up Chris Duncan. When reached for comment, Backe told me “He’s just scared I’m gonna whoop his ass.” You sure are, Brandon… you sure are.
• Zlatan Ibrahimovic unleashed an absolute cracker of a goal in Euro 2008 action yesterday. (Third video down) Ok so it’s not baseball related - but I just wanted to share because (a) I’m a huge soccer fan, (b) the guy’s name is ZLATAN!, and (c) it’s my post.

Alright that should be enough to keep you kids busy for a little bit. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to have my lunch of advil, water and prayer.

…for making the “big screen!”


Busch Stadium Fan Battle - video powered by Metacafe

I especially love those little orange shorts, and you pull the whole thing off so well.

(h/t Deadspin)

When I signed on to do this blog as the only Indians fan among a bunch of Astros and Cardinals fans, I thought it was going to be awesome.  “Self,” I said to myself, “you are going to get to gloat all summer about how your team is awesome and their teams suck more ass than an Amazonian butt leach. (Author’s note: I have no idea if such a creature exists, but, if it does, it is almost certainly Amazonian in nature.)

Fast forward to April 18, 2008.  Though the Tribe throttled the Tigers last night, 11-1, and moved out of last place in the division, Cleveland still finds itself with a less-than-stellar 6-10 record, matching the Astros start (despite being roughly 188361282456 times better than Houston).  Even worse, C.C. Sabathia’s ERA is climbing faster than his cholesterol and Joe Borowski’s inflamed vagina has already caused him to blow three saves.

Rather than dwell on the bad stuff, however, I am going to force myself to come up with ten positive things about this team.  Not sure if it can be done, but here we go.

1. Detroit is even worse right now, meaning that we are ahead of the one team in the Central that people thought might beat us.
2. My prediction that Cliff Lee would return to form is looking brilliant, as he is 2-0 with an ERA smaller than Miggy Tejada’s steroid-laced nuts.
3. Francisco Liriano is, apparently, not the second-coming of Johan Santana.
4. Ryan Garko is hitting the ball hard, hitting for average, AND not striking out much.  These things all make baby jesus smile.
5. While C.C. might suck suck, Carmona is still The Truth.
6. JoBo is on the DL, meaning I can rest easier at night.  I’d rather swim through a vat of used hypodermic needles than have to rely on that turd to get three outs.
7. The next six games are against Minnesota and KC, meaning we can make up ground quickly if we put together a little run.  I am already calling tonight’s contest (Lee v. Liriano) a win.
8. I did mention that Borowski would not be pitching any time soon, didn’t I?  Oh well, it warrants repeating.  He makes Jose Valverde look like the GOOD Brad Lidge.
9. Travis Hafner seems to have re-found the power that left him last season.  By which I mean steroids, of course.
10. Given the talent on this team, we can still honestly believe that we will win the division and make the postseason.  That’s a nice feeling to have.

Wow.  I actually did it.  Things must not be quite as bad as I was thinking.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am off to find some ebola to help CC drop weight.

St. Louis Cardinals (5-1) @ Houston Astros (2-5)

Round 1:

Todd Wellemeyer (1-0) 

v.

Wandy Rodriguez (0-0)

Well, it sure didn’t take long for all of us to jump into our first series match-up since we started this here thing we call WTP.  Luckily for me, I have the advantage of being able to gloat just a little as our teams sit at opposite ends of the NL Central standings going into tonight’s game.  5-1?!?  WOW!  What a start!  Yes, as I stated here, I truly believed that these Cardinals would fair much better than what most of the so-called experts were predicting–mainly because I believed that Rick Ankiel’s hitting from last year was no fluke, thought our middle infield would fair far better as a whole (y’all don’t realize the intense hatred I had for that little league “shortstop” we carried for far too long), still thought we had the best bullpen in the division, and really loved the way we competed and won game after game to close out Spring Training.  But this?!?  The best starting pitching in the league after Week 1?!?  Granted, it’s only Week 1 and the starters will eventually come back to earth, not to mention we had the luxury of opening our season at Busch II, but I certainly could not have dreamed of a better start to the ‘08 campaign. 

So, other than the phenomenal performances turned in by this makeshift rotation, who else has impressed?  Obviously, it’s Rick Ankiel.  This mancrush is just getting out of hand now.  The guy just continues to come up big in clutch situations, hit for power, and his success versus lefties is something that I didn’t see coming.  His outfield defense has even been far better than first advertised; his catch in the 8th inning yesterday was Jimmy Edmonds-esque (minus the bad first step).  Adam Kennedy, at least so far, looks much more like the guy that played in Anaheim, er, Los Angeles, er whateverthefuck (as opposed to the assclown that showed up last year).  Kyle McClellan, the local St. Louis product, is proving to have a lot of grit and guts coming out of the ‘pen as he offsets not having Russ Springer down there with Ryan Franklin setting up for Izzy.  And Brian Barton, the Rule 5 castaway from Matty’s Indians, has continued to hit and may have even bumped Skip Schumaker from the leadoff and starting outfield spot.  Hell, LaRussa even went with the same exact line-up yesterday that he used the day before!  All this Redbird talk and I didn’t even have to mention that Pujols guy.  Amazing stuff so far!

**Update: Troy Glaus is still a big flappin’ pussy, but at least he’s turned in some decent glove work the past two games. 

So, what’s up with those Stros besides injuries to Berkman and Wigginton, being completely owned by Derek Lee over the weekend, and Your Boy Roy giving up 21 hits in his first two starts?  The one-run losses have to be frustrating–looks like you guys have been in every game this year.  Any anal fissures updates?  Tejada is actually lookin’ good out there for ya.

Ok, a legendary terrible pitcher.  We’re only one game in and I’m already grumbling about the Cards.  As if having our four-run opening inning washed away on Monday wasn’t bad enough, I tune back in for Opening Day: Part Deux last night to see Houston native Kip “7-17″ Wells come back to town to shut down our bats, Troy Glaus and his iron glove remind us he ain’t no Scotty Rolen in the field (seriously, I hated Rolen, but Pretty Boy Troy BETTER hit 30HR or he gets anthrax in the mail), Ryan Franklin make me to continue to wonder if ‘07 was a fluke, and one of our “key” lefties in the bullpen walk in the winning run for Colorado (making your boy Taylor Buchholz the winner).  The middle of the line-up goes 1-11.  Fucking outstanding.  I guess the only silver lining to the re-start of the season is that Kyle Lohse continued to build on his two terrifc Spring Training starts–I’m desperately hoping the guy can win 12-14 games and keep that ERA down in the low 4s.  Oh, and we’re still 1/2 game up on your beloved Astros, who seem to have left their bats at Osceola County Stadium.