Last week’s ranking had just a touch of cynicism to it.  This week I’ll do my best to toss out a few legitimately interesting and exciting things.  Don’t hold your breath.

1.  The California Angels of Los Angeles Anaheim California America:  These are, of course, personal power rankings of my nonsensical interests – but this one is a bit more personal.  I spent the last two years living in Philadelphia.  I am not a big fan of Philadelphia.  Fandom stereotypes exist for a reason.  The first time I went to see the Astros play the Phillies, a mentally retarded guy heckled me for nine innings.  His two juvenile acquaintances called him “the Fonz.”  He informed me of two things: (1) he was going to shit in my hat, and (2) the Beatles are gay (I was wearing a Beatles t-shirt).  Because of this, and my equally stereotypical experience at an Eagles game (PEOPLE, I WAS ROOTING FOR THE EAGLES) I hate any and all Philadelphia sports teams.  I wish them 1,000 years of failure and misery.  This is a long way of saying thanks to the Angles for sweeping the Phillies after Cole Hamel’s ridiculous prophecy last week.

2.  George Carlin:  Shit.  Piss.  Fuck.  Cunt.  Cocksucker.  Motherfucker.  Tits.  Seven words I’m sure he can say in the afterlife.

3.  Gaza Hezballers: I was going to drop them this week, I swear.  There’s an event horizon of self-congratulations – though I’m not sure Matt has ever reached that point.  But then Mark Teixeira belted three home runs in one game.  God my team is good.

4.  Curt Schilling’s Shoulder:  I’m disappointed he didn’t live-blog the surgery on his site!  New word is that he could be pitching by winter.  Yup.  And by winter I’m gonna be Pope!  Good riddance to annoying self-righteous gasbags.

5.  Fresno State Bulldogs:  A complete 180 from my reverence for Tiger’s total domination last week.  Fresno State making the College World Series finals (against the Georgia Bulldogs) is – seeding and competition wise – more impressive than George Mason making the final four.  You gotta root for the underdog!  They’d be higher up the list if Fresno State wasn’t the alma mater of a certain white-glove wearing fairy who couldn’t beat a blind midget in HORSE if you spotted him H-O-R-S and a lay-up… much less an SEC baseball team.

And just to echo the new mantra that seems to be drifting round the blogosphere today – fuck ‘em if they can’t take a joke.

A day late and a buck short (no seriously, BFD doesn’t pay me – does someone have bus money?)  Nevertheless, here is this week’s power ranking!  No change at the top, but since I have the attention span of a – hey look over there!  Er yeah… wholesale changes everywhere else.

1.  Gaza Hezballers: The Hezballers hold on to the top spot, mostly because I’m still dominating my fantasy league by a ridiculous 19 points.  Seriously – the last three years I’ve finished dead last.  This is about the best thing going for me right now.

2.  The New York Mets:  I like a team that provides me comic relief.  And nothing says big dysfunctional family like firing your manager, pitching coach and hitting first base coach after back-to-back wins – and releasing the statement at 3:15AM EST!  Honestly, Omar Minaya gets too much of a free pass – he’s made some truly awful signings, and expecting to contend with a team that would rather read Readers Digest and watch Matlock than play baseball isn’t usually a winning formula.

3.  Hank Steinbrenner:  Special thanks to the ever-vigilant Crawfish Boxes for pointing this one out to me.  And I quote: “My only message is simple,” Steinbrenner said in Tampa, Fla. “The National League needs to join the 21st century. They need to grow up and join the 21st century.”  There are limitless possibilities there – seriously, free-for-all in the comments.

4.  Tiger Woods:  Look, I’m not really a golf guy.  I enjoy it in HD because it’s pretty to watch – but my interest extends only as far as Tiger’s in contention.  That said, you have no soul if you weren’t consumed by the Saturday-Sunday-Monday spectacle that took place.  His Saturday round was completely ridiculous, and he birdied 18 TWO days in a row to prolong the tournament.  All on a bum knee.  That, friends, is complete and total domination of a sport.

5.  The NL West:  One team over .500?  Check!  Reigning NL Champions in last?  Check!  General indifference of national media?  Check!  Ladies and gentlemen your NL West!  After a sizzling start the D-backs have stuttered back down to earth.  Joe Torre doesn’t seem to be able to get Dodger fans in the stands before the 3rd inning (though to be fair, who can?)  And only one team has scored over 300 runs so far this season.  Thankfully this sort of anemic baseball only airs after 10pm.

Sidenote: Guess who’s calling the College World Series?  Robin Ventura!  Does anyone – ANYONE – look at that guy and not think “got his ass kicked by 40-year old Nolan Ryan”?

I’ve never fully understood the appeal of power rankings – a completely arbitrary list compiled by a bunch of random journalists that shows… uh… what exactly?  Which team is more powerful?  Well that’s a load of bullshit.  How can a Marlin be more powerful than an Astros?  An Astro can go to the fucking moon!  Who would you take in a fight?  A brew master or an angel?  I’m just saying…

Nevertheless – arbitrary lists pass for journalist gold these days, which means I’d be remiss not to jump on that gravy train and hit my Rick Reily-like weekly word requirement.  (BFD is a tough but fair master.)

1.  Gaza Hezballers:  This is my fantasy team.  They are in first place, 19pts ahead of second place.  This qualifies as an American History X curb stomping – and for that they get the inaugural top spot.  How are they so good?  Edinson Volquez, Brian McCann, Nate McClouth and Tim Lincecum – just to name a few.  Nothing like stroking your own ego…

2.  Peter Gammons: He may be the last vestige of good journalism over at tWWL, and while you can sense that Bristol has started to taint his soul – he is still the pinnacle of baseball journalism.  Plus he recovered from an aneurism and continues to write.  Plus he plays guitar and has a rock album.  Seriously, guy is a complete and total badass.

3.  Tampa Bay Devil Rays: How can you not be rooting for these guys?  The definition of a garbage franchise, they’re 1.5 games back of the Red Sox, are tied for the third best record and have the fourth best team ERA in the AL.  Think about that for a second.  The Devil Rays have solid pitching.  (Sidenote: Come back Hunsicker!  All is forgiven!  We’ve stuffed Drayton in a broom closet!  Please!)

4.  Vampire Weekend: A little on the poppy side, but it’s an unbelievably catchy album.  Just good music that puts me in a good mood.  Hard to argue with that.  Also, they ask the poignant question – “who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?”  Who indeed.

5.  Chipper Jones: You have no idea how hard this is for me.  The Atlanta Braves ruined more than a few baseball seasons for me, and Jones was right at the heart of that.  That being said – behind the 55 56 (epic fail!) game hit streak, I’m of the opinion the hardest thing for a hitter to pull off is a .400 avg.  Jones is hitting .420, 219 Abs into the season.  I know Big Puma is absolutely raking – but what Jones is doing is equally ridiculous.